A mother has demanded that her children’s primary school bans Sleeping Beauty because it ‘gives the message of inappropriate touching’ to children.

We all know the story, Aurora pricks her finger and falls into a sleep like death and a forest of impenetrable thorns grows around the castle, where she is (where else but) in the highest room of the tallest tower, awaiting the kiss of her one true love.

Princey darling slays Maleficent, who bizarrely turns into a dragon, gets to the room and gives sweet Aurora a quick peck, she wakes up and everyone lives happily ever after.

Now, let’s retell this story in the way Sarah Hall interprets it.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful girl who pricked her finger on a spinning wheel that was laced with date rape drug GHB. She fell into a coma that was similar to death and was locked away for her own safety.

The girl never woke, and over time people forgot about her, with stories turning to legend, and legend to myth.

A (not so) charming prince who had been intrigued by the legend sought out the tower to discover that it had been overcome and ensconced by 100ft high leylande and Japanese Knotweed.

Not one to be deterred, the brute of a man fought his way through the overgrown forest determined to claim his ‘prize’. Finding the tower, he discovers that the door is unlocked. He ascends the stairs, barges in to the highest room of said tower and repeated, brutally and cruelly sexually assaults the poor, comatose girl.

Once he’s had his wicked way, he rides off into the sunset in search of the nearest low brow tavern and after having his fill of ale, heads off in search of the nearest whorehouse where every one of his perverse desires can be fulfilled in exchange for a bag full gold coins and a bottle of cheap liquor.

Meanwhile Aurora, wakes from her sleep like death to discover that she had been sexually assaulted and is so dismayed that she heads to the balcony, and jumps to her death.

The End.

For the love of God, how can ANYONE get that from a fairytale (except maybe the original Grimms Fairytale, which actually has a happy ending)?

Seriously woman, get a grip! It’s a made up story about a handsome prince risking life and limb to rescue a fair maiden who has to slay the proverbial dragon and give her a quick peck. There’s more sexual innuendo in my great grandmother’s tea set!

Yes, we do need to teach our children about boundaries and limitations and the difference between right and wrong. But for the love of all that’s holy, given the choice of having Prince Harry give you a kiss, or remaining in a coma, which would you pick? It’s hardly rocket science is it?!

We all grew up with variations of Grimms Fairytales, at least Sleeping Beauty isn’t as barbaric as Grimms Cinderella. If she read that, she’d be demanding that shoes be banned!